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Hiya, folks,
In case you don't know, a man by the name of Lt. Dan Choi was just recently fired from his position as a linguist with the Army for being gay. He's fighting it, and could use your help.
Please go to this website and sign their online petition so he can deliver all of our signatures to Speaker Pelosi.
http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/s/RepealDADT
With dignity and love,
Travis
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Milk
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Nov. 27th, 2008 @ 11:45 pm
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Good evening, gentle readers,
First of all, I wish each and every one of you a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all had a lovely day.
As you've all been very aware, I've been in a bit of a twitter about the last election and the passage of Proposition 8.
Tonight, Michael and I went to see Milk, the new film starring Sean Pean and directed by Gus Van Sant.
I think it was a brilliant movie, with brilliant performances, especially by Sean Penn. I have, of course, seen "The Times of Harvey Milk" and so am not naive about who Harvey Milk was and what part he played in history. I was quite amused and shocked at how much the rhetoric from the religious right hasn't changed in thirty years. The same hateful words disguised as "love" spouted in the same hateful elections to take away the rights of GLBT folk.
I found myself with tears streaming down my face many times through the movie. At the end, when the lights came up, I could barely keep it together. The gentleman to my left was also crying, and he offered me one of his tissues. It's amazing how simple acts of kindness can remove the barriers. The tears came down harder, and he grabbed my hand and held onto it for a bit. When he let go, it was his turn to let loose with the sobs, and I lightly put my hand on his thigh to let him know that I was there.
When all the credits had run, Michael and I got up to go, and I turned to the other guy to shake his hand, and he put his arms around me and we hugged. Turns out his name was also Michael. I am, in actuality, kind of shy, and I'm especially embarrassed when I'm reduced to showing my emotions in front of people I don't know. Which is my way of explaining why I don't think I looked at him in the eyes throughout the whole experience. I feel kind of bad about that because he was extraordinarily kind, and I needed that at the moment, and I wish I had given him my card or something. Great friendships have been borne of much less. As it is, I'll have to be satisfied with the kindness of one of my tribe, reciprocated to the best of my ability.
Something is changing in me, gentle reader. I'm not sure where it is going, and what changes it will bring about in my life, but I know that I kept thinking throughout this whole movie, "I FEEL!" I know that sounds strange, but I'm full of emotion these days, and it's equal part sadness, anger, defiance, and hope. I've spent a lot of time trying to hide or minimize my emotions, especially my anger and my grief because everybody has always told me since I was a child that it was bad. I have to say that at this moment it feels, I don't know, holy and life-affirming and so fucking necessary.
I'm here to tell you, folks, that I tend to carry a lot of shame around inside of me. I'm gay, diseased, and unsuccessful. Three things that do not go over well in our society, certainly not in the committee in my head. In the beginning of Milk, Harvey Milk is laying in bed talking to the man who would become his lover on his 40th birthday, and he said, "God, I'm 40 years old, and I haven't done one thing that I'm proud of." I get it. I do. I feel that way a lot. I don't think I can say I've done anything to be particularly proud of just because I've managed to not die from drugs, alcohol, AIDS or liver failure over the past 18 years.
But look what Mr. Milk succeeded in doing over the next 8 or 9 years after his 40th birthday. Things that could be considered miracles, at the very least, insurmountable mountains to climb. Maybe there's hope for me, too. Maybe I can shed some of this shame that has kept me hidden in my own private hell for the past however many years, and make the difference to the world that I always hoped I could.
Maybe when they finally bury me, people will be able to say, "He made a difference in my life!" like so many people were able to say about Harvey Milk and so many others.
This is what I do know. The days of me keeping my mouth shut and my head bowed because I'm ashamed or worried I might offend somebody else because of who and what I am have got to be over. Right now.
Travis
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